I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
