and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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