he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
