Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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