Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
