I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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