Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
