I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
