thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
