It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
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Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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