Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
