Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
