I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
