I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Your cock deserves a montage
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
