By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
