I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
