They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Randomize
