i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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