i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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