By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize