I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
