So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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