I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
