I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I checked into jail on foursquare
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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