just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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