You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How's work?
Spinning.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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