I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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