5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
