I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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