I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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