How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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