So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
