I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
