I looked at my own cervix.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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