Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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