id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
