I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
