Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
