He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
