and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
