if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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