You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
