you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
