I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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