Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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