and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
