It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
