how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
