Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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