they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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