I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
