I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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