Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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