she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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