Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
