i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
