why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
