new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
