im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
