her vagine was all disorganized.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
