New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
