I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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