Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
