ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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