You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
