And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
