I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
