During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
