woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I love you. Go after that dick
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
