Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A+ Viking dick
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