It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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