I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
