Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
And then he peed in my hair
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