the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if only i could text you this smell
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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