pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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