You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
