remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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