craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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