The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
