I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
