just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
