You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
