If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
