He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
