I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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