how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
