he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I love you. Go after that dick
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
